Monday, July 28, 2008

Animal Contest

How many animals in this post?
The e-mail messages below flew back and forth this afternoon between two full grown men.

The human who finds the most animals mentioned in this post wins the pink elephant shown above, painted on cardboard by the inimitable Dave Warnke. Deadline is 5:00 Friday, August 1st. (That's when Stray's Dog Show opens.)

From: Larry
Date: July 28, 2008 2:58:28 PM PDT
Subject: Manage yer E

What ARE you deer people doing today? Barbara's printing at the office and I've just been making a few calls, the usual elk, trying to worm our way into a couple of new clients' plans. We were mostly buffaloed last month, but we're making a little more progress this month. I shouldn't say anything, but it's normal to crow a little, isn't it? Besides, we don't expect the lion's share of things in this market, you know. We'll take it where we can get it, most people are robin Peter to pay Paul down here. Then Babs and I had to gopher a little lunch, duck into a place called Chipotles---the traffic is awrful around the office to go anywhere, you've got to snake around all the construction and go down the alley to get there. Then it's back to the office for Barbara and I'm going home and write this email. I'd just yak with the girls at the office if I stayed there.

Guess I'd better get on with it, I toad you all my gnus for today.

I shouldn't badger you any mare.

Don't want you to fly off the handle.

On Jul 28, 2008, at 4:08 PM, Tom wrote:


I was looking for Linder and thought that I spider across the liver. There she was squirreling away my tules that I needed to get the bugs out of my computer. My work floundered and I smelt that something was rotten in the animal kingdom.

Because what's really bugging me is that people keep monkeying around with the names of animals. They're just aping things that they probably heard from some raccoonteer on NPR or maybe they just got a wild hare, butt this whole thing is driving me batty. From now on no more stupid puns or silly tails... just the fox and only the fox.

Now leaf me bee.

From: Larry
To: Tom
Sent: Monday, July 28, 2008 4:13 PM
Subject: Re: Manage yer E

Adder control, adder control.........I worry that my animal instincts are beginning to fail me.

I otter quit, but I just can't.

On Jul 28, 2008, at 4:56 PM, Tom wrote:

Gnu started it.

On Jul 28, 2008, at 5:00 PM, Linda wrote

Ewe really get my goat–such a copy cat.

On Jul 28, 2008, at 5:51 PM, Tom wrote

Well by now I guess gnu are huffin and puffin trying to ketchup with us. You are straining your mental mussels and soon your brain will just clam up. Maybe if you rest you'll be ready to start up again by next oyster. Quit horsing around, pony up some money, sad owl up, and take a little trip to SF to recuperate.

I'll keep writing just for the halibut.

Seal ya later alley gator.

On Jul 28, 2008, at 6:02 PM, Barbara wrote

It's udderly preposterous!

On Jul 28, 2008, at 7:35 PM, Tom wrote

Udderly–what a cowardly thing to say. You'll take an animal and milk it for everything it's worth. I just can't swallow that. If I could it would put heron my chest.

Now I'll give you tit for tat. And I'll do it on porpoise.

Wren pigs fly!

You're full abalone.

I'd call you up but I'm a little horse.