Thursday, December 07, 2006

More Tales of The Unexplained

© Linda Davick

Today the nurse called to talk to me about my colonoscopy tomorrow. She wanted to make sure I wasn't eating anything. She wanted to make sure I was drinking the Miralax / Gatorade solution. She stressed the importance of drinking clear liquids only.

She asked me a list of questions about my medical history. Was I allergic to any medicines? Had I ever had lupus? Or a heart condition? Or a thyroid condition? Did I have high blood pressure? Did I have any transplanted organs? Did I smoke? I must have said "no" fifty times. Then she got to the last question. "Do you drink?"

"Yes!" I replied happily.
"How much?"
"Oh, a glass or two of wine a day."
"Well don't we all!" she responded.

I started warming up to this nurse. She asked me if I had any questions for her. "Does white wine count as a clear liquid?"

"Yes," she said. "But truthfully, you may want to think about it–not having had any food all day..."

So for dinner tonight I had broth. I went easy on the wine, mixing it with a little fruit juice to make a pale Sangria.

Suddenly I realized it had been quite a while since I had checked my weight. I thought: This is a great time to weigh if there ever was one. Emmy has a scale, so I went next door. I adjusted it carefully to make sure it was set to zero. Then I took off my jacket and necklace and shoes and belt and climbed aboard.

I had gained 5 pounds.