Ziploc Omelette

Our Franklin e-mailed me this recipe today. It was sent to him by a former co-worker from Sequoyah High School. It sounded so ingenious that I was compelled to test it this evening for dinner:

Ziploc Omelette
1. Have family or guests write their name on a quart-size Ziploc freezer bag with permanent marker.

2. Place 2 eggs (large or extra-large) into the bag (not more than 2).

3. Put out a variety of ingredients such as: cheeses, veggies, cooked ham, bacon and/or shrimp; chopped onion, cooked hash browns, salsa, etc. I also put out Fruit Loops and Skittles.

4. Each person adds prepared ingredients of choice to one's bag and shakes. Make sure to get the air out of the bag and zip it up.

5. Place the bags into rolling, boiling water for exactly 13 minutes.

6. Open the bags and the omelette will roll out easily. Be prepared for everyone to be amazed.

7. Don't forget the sour cream and salsa.











from left: Tom's omelette, my omelette, straight from our Ziploc bags.

Thank you, Our Franklin. Dinner was a resounding success. The only hitch was that the omelettes didn't exactly "roll out easily"–Tom's in particular. But that's an easy fix: simply spray the inside of the ziplock bags with Pam.

Arianna Huffington & Susie Bright

photos by Linda Davick
My two favorite speakers at the BlogHer conference were Arianna Huffington and Susie Bright.

Interesting things that Arianna said:
• She believes in coincidence and accidents.
• We owe it to ourselves to be able to change our minds.
• Workaholism and sleep deprivation go hand in hand. She's worried about sleep deprivation and wants to start a sleep movement.
• Women take criticism much harder than men do; but it's only when we internalize the criticism that it hurts us.

After the talk, I went up and asked her if I could take her picture. I was puzzled about the thing she had said about women and criticism, so I asked, "How do you NOT internalize criticism–do you just decide not to???" She said, "YES." Then she said that she had written about this subject in her new book. She gave me her e-mail address and said she'd be getting copies of the book, On Becoming Fearless...In Work, Love, and Life, next week. If I would e-mail her, she'd send me a free copy. At that moment, if anyone had criticized me, it would have bounced right off. I was so excited that I completely forgot to shoot a picture of her shoes.

It was time for the cocktail party. I got in the wine line. It was long. The guy in front of me said, "I like your shoes." (perforated yellow Nikes with straps). "Oh, thank you." "They match the bag." He pointed to the logo on the complimentary BlogHer sack. I sensed that this was the beginning of an enchanting conversation.

But right at that moment I saw Susie Bright sitting at a table by herself with a plate full of hors devours. I excused myself and accosted her. She agreed to let me take her photo, and asked, "Who are you?" So I introduced myself–I always forget that part. She asked me where I was from and about my blog. When I told her I had started blogging in March, she asked how the experience had been. "It's changed my life. I used to have fear of leaving the house; now it's not so bad with the camera and the blog."

Then she asked what my blog URL was; so I handed her my business card with nine of the best personality disorder icons on it. She pointed straight to the sexual dysfunction icon and said, "That looks exactly like my new fireplace." Then she asked me if I had been in her talk (of course!) and if there was anything I wanted to say.

I told her that one of my biggest questions about blogging is: If you write under a made-up name–or anonymously–does what you write really mean anything? Lots of people think that you can blog under another identity and still be authentic. I'm not sure I agree.

My favorite thing that she said in her talk: We're all madonnas and we're all whores.

Susie's smart and kind and interesting. She's curious about other people. I realized that she had interviewed me instead of the other way around. I got back in the wine line, which was really long now. After five minutes, suddenly I knew that I needed to be home. I hightailed it to the car and headed back to San Francisco.

Does Anybody Know the Way?

© Linda Davick

If I can find the way, I'm going to Day Two of the BlogHer Conference tomorrow in San Jose. Day Two focuses on community, conversation and the culture of blogging. So after tomorrow, you will notice a huge change in my blog. It will command respect, and will be serious and proper in every regard. That's after tomorrow. And if–and only if–I can find the way to the Hyatt San Jose.

Thursday

© Linda Davick

I Like Money

James Miles ©2006/Creativity Explored
I don't give very much money away. But Creativity Explored is the place to send it, if you want to spend it. Below is the e-mail they sent. The reason I like them isn't so much because they help artists with disabilities–it's because the art they produce is great, and because they're the epitome of organization.

When you buy art from Creativity Explored, you help artists with developmental disabilities become more self sufficient. Thank you very much.

If everyone on our mailing list donated just $20, Creativity Explored could raise $100,000....With that kind of money, we could:
•Pay the rent for our gallery and two studios for a year,
•Or cover health insurance costs for our amazing staff,
•Or just keep the lights on, the phones ringing, and the paint flowing...

If you have a soft spot in your heart for money and art, here's their address:
Creativity Explored
3245 16th Street
San Francisco, CA 94103

Katie Melua

Katie Melua was at the Apple Store today at lunch time. She sang four songs:
1. Nine Million Bicycles
2. Just Like Heaven
3. Spider's Web
4. Closest Thing to Crazy

Barbara, I got her autograph for you. Now are you sorry you didn't move to San Francisco and open Dough-Dough's? It's not too late.

Duh

© Linda Davick

Next Door Chef

Chef John & his wife Emmy live next door. Tonight they cooked a welcome home dinner for us. You probably think it's not fair that they don't live next door to you, and you're right. We're still trying to figure out what we did to deserve them.

Silly Story
John used to tape The Sopranos for us. Remember the best episode ever–The Pine Barrens–from season 3? While on a collection errand, Paulie and Christopher find themselves thrust into a deadly chase with a Russian in the frigid woods of South Jersey. The one where they get hopelessly lost in the snowstorm and almost freeze, and are dying of hunger? At the end, back in the car, they find some dirty old ketchup and relish packets under the seat and rip them open with shaking fingers, inhaling the ketchup like it's some kind exotic delicacy. I was crazy about that episode, and called John and Em raving about it. The next morning when I went out to get the paper, I found a handful of ketchup and relish packets outside our front door.

Best of Mail Award

We had a stack of mail to go through when we got back. This wins the Best of Mail Award.
(Thank you, Roger. What do you think? #3 or #8?)

















p.s. Roger, is that really your new car? Did you buy it with the money you won at the races?

Vacation is Over

Back to business.

The Second Shift

(Some of us had to leave on Wednesday.)

Sam's Shirt

Sam designed it himself.

Neopets

Last night Sam showed up. He's eight. Soon as he jumped out of the truck, I saw a red notebook on top of the suitcases. I could tell it held something special. But I had no idea how special: hundreds of Neopet cards. We took them all out of the sleeves and laid them out on the floor. Aren't they fantastic?







the notebook









the man

An Angel Made Diablos

Mya's dad, Tex

Interpretive Dance

Tonight we put some music on. We were treated to four interpretive dances.
Clockwise from top left:
• The Bathing Suit Dance
• Jazz Corps
• My Perfect Baby #5 Dance
• Where-Are-You-Flying? Dance

Kelly + Norma

Norma and Kelly got married nine years ago. They like each other.

Frankie Rowland's

This is Mya. She's seven, going into 2nd grade. She and I play a game called Frankie Rowland's. The TV remote rings. I answer it. I write down the order. She runs over and cooks it. Then she delivers it and collects the tip. Some orders we filled last night: • a pizza with goldfish and licorice on top • a wedding cake decorated with army men, charm bracelets, sprinkles • a night sky cake • a chocolate stromboli Mya and her mom

My Favorite Family Member

(Davick family, that is).
You aren't supposed to have favorites. But here she is. Can you believe she's 84? It's Norma, Tom's step mom. She's standing in front of her old Jeep, drinking wine.

What I don't like about her: She told me on the phone about Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisterizer. So I went out a bought a tube right away. I'd been using it for about a week and a half. Yesterday we compared legs, and hers looked better.

Note to Myself

This sign was hanging at a fruit and vegetable stand that sold mostly ice cream and fireworks.






On the Way to the Beach: Grandy, NC

Bye-Bye

© Debbie Smith and Linda Davick, from our unsuccessful book Vacuum Your Way to Great Sex.
If Tom and I finish our deadlines tonight, we'll leave for an extended-family vacation tomorrow.

Note to burglars
An itemized list of items in our home:
1. 17" Panasonic Color TV, $99 new/8 years old (in red cabinet, living room)
2. Sony DVD player, $29 new/3 years old (red cabinet, living room)
3. Silverware/Ikea, $14.99/8 place settings (top blue drawer, kitchen)
4. There is one brand new appliance, never out-of-the-box: Black&Decker Weed Eater, $49.97 new/mint condition (my studio floor in corner by green file cabinet)
5. My computer will be with me.
6. Sorry I didn't have time to clean the bathroom before we left.

Goo-Goo

© Linda Davick

Can anyone suggest a serious book on writing? I wasn't sure whether "goo-goo" was one word or two. I loved reading Bird by Bird and Brenda Ueland's book. Before we moved, I had a copy of The Elements of Style. But none of them covered "goo-goo."

In GooGoo Cluster, it's spelled as one word, but the Oxford American Dictionary hyphenates goo-goo. For some reason, most Web Sites that feature GooGoo Clusters spell it "Goo Goo," two words.

e-mail from Aggles:
subject: Goo Goo Gai Pan
How you intend to use “goo goo” determines how you need to spell it.

Sick of Exercise

Have you decided to let yourself go? Is it too cold and gray to go jogging on the beach? If so, you can go inside the Beach Chalet and look at pictures of people exercising at the beach. The walls are covered floor to ceiling by WPA paintings done in the 1930's.

The building used to be a meeting hall for the Veterans of Foreign Wars, but now it's a brewery. So when you're finished looking at the paintings, you can go upstairs and order a sampler. You'll get a tray with six little glasses containing:
1. V.F.W. Light
2. West End Wheat
3. Playland Pale Ale
4. Presidio IPA
5. Elevation Zero E.S.B.
6. Riptide Red Ale

Ocean Beach This Evening

When we first moved here, this sport didn't exist. Now, every time the wind blows, you see kite surfers zipping back and forth over the water. If the wind catches them at the top of a wave, they can jump and fly. That's the Cliff House in the background.

I turned in the opposite direction and shot a picture of our neighborhood. See the red roof and chimney?
















No? Then see below for detail.

11:11

© Linda Davick
Today at 11:11 I happened to glance up at my computer clock. Whenever I see that it's 11:11, I stop and say thanks, Crazy God, thanks. Aside from that, at 11:11 today, I knew that Bess's memorial service had just started, because it was 2 hours later in Scott City, Kansas.

Today was her 95th birthday, and her funeral. Eight years ago, she had introduced me to the possibility of a god over a lunch of fish & chips. I had asked her what she believed; she would never have told me otherwise.

Don't be scared! My god isn't religious. He's funny and nice, and just a little atom. I picture him residing in a tiny hotel room (one from the Joie de Vivre boutique chain) in my stomach. I don't know if he can do a lot for everyone. I don't know if he can go to Iraq.

Kite

© Linda Davick

If I Were Dear Abby

July 8 column
Dear Abby: I'm a shopaholic. It's my "fix" when I'm feeling down or bored. It never used to be this bad. I purchase things and keep it secret from my husband. I am out of control. It has reached the point where I'm in the hole $4,800.

. . . The idea of cutting up my credit cards is threatening. I'm sad now, but I'd be really depressed if I had to do that.

I'm a lonely person with few friends. I'm scared and don't know where to turn. Please help me. I can't afford a therapist.
–Fashionably Lonely in New York

Dear F. Lonely:
Snap out of it. I know a woman who is in the hole a hundred times deeper than you are, yet she and her husband can afford 3 therapists. Not that they need therapy.

If you would take your friends out to dinner more often, maybe you wouldn't be so lonely.

Summer Coat

Many of you have asked what my new summer coat is like. Well, one of you has. So let me know what you think, Barbara.

Two weeks ago Tom and I gave up on ever finishing The Man (even though it has my 2nd favorite actor, Eugene Levy, in it). It had to go back to Blockbuster. And when Tom enters Blockbuster, it's my duty to run upstairs to Ross Dress For Less to check on things.

A new shipment of coats had just arrived; this one was $19.99. I couldn't get over how perfect it was for summer. For 6 years, I had thought that wearing a coat in July was absurd, and refused to do it. This year I gave in, and because I did, I'm much happier leaving the house. I even was able to watch fireworks on Tuesday night.

Back to the coat. There were eight white mediums on the rack. I snapped one up, because I knew that in a day's time they would all be gone.

Yesterday we took High Fidelity back (an older movie starring my very favorite actor, Jack Black). When I found myself by the coats at Ross Dress For Less, I counted how many size mediums were left. Strange–there were seven. Let me know if you want one, and I'll snag it for you.

e-mail from Barbara: . . .Then we dropped Warren at the house and Larry and I went to have Starbucks, inside the Target store, where I bought a brown skirt to wear on Bess' memorial!!! It is actually a little too tight, but I can fudge it. I have not worn a skirt in 10 years!!! But I think Bess would like it, it's dark brown with 2 layers, a little over the knee (Isaac Mizrah), and of course I bought some brown shoes too, it was very cheap. So now I am taking the stairs all the time, because the skirt has to fit!!

e-mail from Barbara: This pc here at the hotel is a little strange. But I love your jacket, but most of all I love the shirt you are wearing underneath it, I wish I could have worn that on Bess' memorial. It goes with brown!

I'm Hungry.

Tom, where are you? It's 8:00. I'm hungry. If you make dinner, I'll clean up.

e-mail from Aggles: I hope Tom finally came home and fed you last night. And to think you had offered to come down to Atlanta and find me something to eat!

The Devil Wears Prada

Hit the snooze button. Not enough Meryl Streep!

But . . . I think it's really hard to end a movie well, and this movie ended elegantly. Not to mention that the popcorn at the 4-Star is great, even without butter.

Since I'm drawing kindergarteners these days, I'm particularly interested in fashion for the 5-year-old. Shown above: kindergarten couture on Ocean Beach this evening.

The Internet Is Not a Truck

truck available from Kett-Max, though it is not the Internet

Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska recently voted against an ammendment that would have regulated how much telecommunications companies can charge to move traffic. In defending his vote, he explained how the internet works:

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again, the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes.

series of tubes available from The Bag N Box Man Ltd

And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

I just the other day got, an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially.

All this might make you wonder which tube is right for your Internets:

If you're sending a brief impersonal Internet to office staff, by all means use the straw-like tube shown in #1, open at both ends. Never use the tubes pictured in #2; the lids can easily get stuck and your Internet can be held up for days. The waxy liquid-filled tubes pictured in #3 are good if your Internet contains juicy gossip.

Thank You, Roger.

I had a bad feeling this evening as Tom and I were walking on the Coastal Trail. I knew the blog had been looking very gray lately, and that I had to post some color tonight, or else. I was so desperate that I started shooting flowers. "This is not the real me," I told Tom.

Luckily when I got home, I had a postcard. On the front was a picture by Nathalie Dieterie called Petite Fleur. Even though that means Little Flower, it was a lot more me than the flower photos I had been shooting.

On the back, Roger had decided to try a makeover on himself, inspired perhaps by my own makeover.

















Thank you, Roger, for sparing my reader from a series of earnest nature photographs.










First in a Series of Earnest Nature Photographs

Reading and Laughing

What was the last thing you read that made you laugh?
Keep the laughs coming. If I didn't catch you by e-mail, please "comment."

Lynn: I decided to try my hand at internet dating again and so I made a profile about a week ago. About five minutes ago I got an e-mailed pickup line which made me laugh out loud (unfortunately, not because it was funny ha-ha).

Here is the e-mail in its entirety: “So do you like wind blowen in hair so do like to ride back of motorcycle?”

The man had no photo, so an immediate mental image of an unfrozen caveman on a motorcycle ran through my mind. Another interesting thing on his profile is that he apparently has no height. So he may be even be a midget unfrozen caveman biker, I’m not sure.

Let’s just say I may not be trying internet dating for long at this rate...

Janet: I just read Ms. Gonick’s “Failing at Living” column in the Chronicle this morning, Saturday, July 1st. It was about Ms. Gonick’s youth when she and her family (her sister, mom and the Minotaur) spent every Fourth of July in a rented cabin at Clear Lake. “The Minotaur did all the driving, but once we got there, the Mom did all the everything else.” I got a big kick out of the story and it reminded me of my family’s 3 week jaunts every summer traveling around the US searching for the best camp sites.

Before that, I read my father’s latest family letter, which he calls his Mena (as in Ar.) Bucolicisms. He reported that he’d just heard on Arkansas Radio, “There will be a conference on Sexual Assault. The audience is encouraged to participate.”

He also always includes a section on “Golden Age Communications.” Bob (my dad): Did you say there wasn’t any factory odor at Wall-Mart today?” Lyn (my mom): I said there was no fat free yogurt!” ;)

Funny thing is I was about to email you, Linda, to alert you to today’s Ms. Gonick column.

Susan L: There's not much to read here in Wyoming, although I did see the word "litter" substituted for liter in the store by the soft drinks...but I guess the laugh out loud for this week would have to be from the chattanoogan.com where a judge said that an "idiot was posing as a lawyer." I thought that was pretty funny.

Sally: You would have to ask for the LAST thing... you'll think it's so lame...just remember... I spend a LOT of time at the nursing home.

I spent half an hour reading birthday cards to find one for my brother this past week. Cards are so terrible! So not funny! Finally I found one that made me kind of go Ha! loud enough in Walgreen's that the 20-somethings shopping near me just kind of glared at me.....

OK, so here's the text of the card: A guy about your age decided to go out for a night on the town. He put on his best suit and went to the neighborhood bar and walked up to the sexiest woman he saw, and he asked her: "So, do I come here often?"
Happy Birthday!

(See, I told you it was lame... but if you're swimming around in dementia, it sorta seems funny.)

Ken (the Doctor): Sally was driving home in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod, the woman got in the car.

The old woman looked intently at every thing she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
"It's a bottle of wine I got for my husband," answered Sally.

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment or two. Then with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."

Dorothy: I was just Instant Messaging with my friend Jane in Brooklyn. I can't remember what it was that she wrote that made me laugh...We were discussing jury duty. Oh, now I remember... She said that the last time she got called up, she brought along a Michael Moore book so she'd appear subversive and get dismissed.

Aggles: An e-mail sent to me by a former co-worker last Friday. Unfortunately I can not divulge what the e-mail said 'cuz we are conspiring a stupendously brilliant gag against another former co-worker of ours.

It is bad enough that we are setting this up through e-mails but to have it actually published on the internet goes against any semblance of good sense. We will go directly to hell for this if we are able to pull it off. It will be worth it.
I'll get this out of her and report the details at a later date.

Von: My friend Ryans haiku.
(example)
Can't they see he's weary.
Downcast and shunned.
Seven legged dog.

Our Franklin: Putting my mind to it, the last thing I REMEMBER reading and laughing at is a post card of a Wyoming cowboy dismounted and making a call on a pay phone. He and his horse are leaning into fierce currents of air. The telephone pole bends leeward. He clutches his hat against his head and says "Wind? WHAT wind??"

Funny thing is--I read this back in 1995 on our first trip to this part of the country. Can't seem to recall reading anything else that made me laugh, but I'm sure I must have. Guess my head is being cleared by the effects of Mato Tipila and the rain that does not wet.

Linda: (from Leah Garchik's column)
When she ordered an ostrich burger at Fuddrucker's in Emeryville, the server told Eva Lucia that they weren't offered anymore "because of avian flu.'' So Lucia asked why they still offered "chicken burgers. They're birds, too.''
"They are?'' asked the server.

Anon: Funny, AND gross! Gay-Bi George, and a wife who's jealous of her hubby's dominatrix!
Hurray for Ex-Dom running for Dem Gov!

Anon: This is funny too!
I guess God helped him avoid the wearing of the orange jumpsuit!

Dear Visitor:

Now that my trial has concluded, I would like to offer a few brief comments.

Certainly, we are surprised at the verdict against me. Perhaps it is more appropriate to say we are shocked, as this is not the outcome we expected.

I firmly believe that I am innocent of the charges against me, as I have said from day one. I still firmly believe that to this day. I will continue to work diligently with my legal team to prove this.

In spite of what has happened, I am still a very blessed man. I have a very warm, loving and Christian wife and family that supports me, as well as many, many loving and supportive friends. I’d like to thank all of the people who have shown their concern, support and kept our family in their prayers.

Most of all, my family and I believe that God is in control and, indeed, He does work all things for good for those who love the Lord. And we love our Lord.

Thank you.

[[TvD]]: Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

Gwen: The funniest thing I have read lately was the story about someone getting her hair fixed and then craving a chile relleno.

Sherry: I was in South Africa when your 'laugh' email arrived - connection to the web there is pretty limited so I didn't respond, but I did use a variation of your line at dinner on my last night - 'what are some events/things/happenings that made you roar with laughter?' It gave rise to all sorts of interesting discussions and helped lighten the sadness of saying goodbye to my daughter and her family again.

Billiken

From my friend Bess's journal:

I was born in Amarillo, Texas July 10, 1911. My grandmother always said she saved my life because the doctor was so concerned with my mother’s survival that I was just laid aside. My grandmother picked me up and “spanked” me to start my breathing. I just weighed two pounds and the folks always laughed about how I got lost in the clothes that they had made for me. As soon as Mama and I could travel we left Amarillo and Mama said I was so tiny they had to carry me on a pillow.

I met Bess when she was 76. I'm perturbed that I never knew until now that her dad called her Billiken–"Bill" for short. Because the name "Bess" didn't fit her any better than those baby clothes. "Bill" is perfect.

On Bess's 80th birthday, she decided she wanted to start smoking again. She and I went to the Silver Spoon to celebrate. We drove in the Fiat with the top down. On the way, we bought a pack of cigarettes. We sat in the smoking section–and there she was, puffing away when Tom arrived. Tom got very upset.

Bess taught painting, and tried to teach me how to watercolor, but it was hopeless. We would cut the lessons short and go out for fish & chips.

Today Bess died. She would have been 95 next week.

July 4
e-mail from Barbara:
Leenda,
We will have the memorial service in Scott City on her birthday!!! July 10th at 1.00 p.m. It is so strange, but the cremation won't take place until friday and then they mail (!?!) her to Scott City, certified mail. Can you see Bess's face if she knew about it? I feel strange about it but it seems to be normal.

Tom: I'm sure Bess is furious about being sent certified mail. I know she would choose FedEx.