Sunday, January 05, 2014

My Personal Holiday Rant

Written especially for the TIAPOS Christmas Meeting at Doug's

DON’T call me DEAR
At this time of year.
What am I, a hundred and two?

That word makes me queasy–
Extremely uneasy–
And I’d never use it on you.


I’ll HELP trim the tree
But DON’T reach out to me:
This reaching out stuff is a drag.

Reaching out implies service
And that makes me nervous.
Reach out to me and I’ll gag.

Reach out to people
Who make lots of dough.
It could be a stranger,
Or someone you know.

Reach out to folks
Who have something you need.
But Baby, don’t reach out to me.

But go ahead and GIFT ME.
I bet you find the gifting verb
Annoying as can be.
But I don’t find it worrisome
When it’s applied to me.

Gift me, then.
I won’t be pissed.
What to gift me?
Here’s a list:

Gift me with iPods
Gift me with pills
Gift me with earrings
And treasury bills.

Gift me with cashmere
Gift me with coke
Gift me with sports cars
––In case you are broke,

You can gift me with peanuts!
Gift me with beer!
But never REACH OUT
And don’t call me DEAR.

by your own Linda Davick