Saturday, October 03, 2009

Hello Again

I saw Mom Thursday and I had the feeling that she was dying. Maybe I'm wrong and she'll make a remarkable recovery. When she smiled I couldn't resist getting in bed with her and taking photos. Aggles drove up late that night, and when I showed her the photos her eyes got wide and she informed me that no cameras or cell phones are allowed in the psych ward.

When Mom tries to say something to us we can barely hear her. She worries that she's taking too much of our time and that our grades must be suffering. Yesterday she whispered to me, "Haven't I been through this two or three times lately?" (Yes.) She worries about being able to pay for it. Luckily, Medicare and her insurance are covering her hospital stays. She also talks about "colored blocks"–she asks if someone has offered us any, and we're trying to figure out what she means by that. (Jello?) She isn't able to walk and she can't eat unless someone helps her.

I've been beside myself the whole time I've been here. On Friday morning we had an appointment with Mom's doctor. When I walked out to the rental car, I was shocked to find that I had left the back door wide open the night before. I had lifted my suitcase down from the back seat and just never bothered to close the door–it had been standing open all night long. I was afraid the battery would be dead, but the car started fine.

Is this only Saturday? Today Aggles and I had a tour of St. Barnabas and then walked at the Greenway. I could not pull out into traffic or park in a straight line to save my life. I completely lost my nature and my personality and my confidence. Does this ever happen to you? Luckily Aggles was with me and could laugh and steer me in the right direction. She went to see Mom during visiting hours this afternoon by herself, and I went to the Redbank track and literally ran around in circles for an hour. That helped immensely, along with Aggles' leftover salmon fettucini from last night, and the broccoli cheddar soup from lunch today and the box of Bandit Pinot Grigio.