It's cold and foggy. I made up a dance this evening.
Me: I made up a dance called One Step Forward, Two Steps Back. I can teach it to you if you want.
Tom (not impressed): That's the story of my life.
• • •
In case you want to learn it, here's what you do:
Hold your elbows straight out and your forearms horizontal to the floor at a 90 degree angle. Make loose fists.
Plant your feet on the floor like you're wearing leg braces. Stand pigeon-toed. Put some James Brown on. Then go two slow steps forward, keeping your feet pigeon-toed. (When you take a step forward with your left foot, swing your right arm out like a crane, horizontally–vice versa when you step forward with your right foot.) Then go back four quick steps using the same awkward movements.
Twist at the hip. Project your lower jaw forward like you have an underbite.
Repeat over and over until dinner is ready.
